I have HAD it

First off Iggy - the "post your rant" has moved down on the left, not sure if you intended that to happen... almost had me thinking I couldn't post anything new.

ON TO MY RANT:  Stupid Christmas, and stupid family. For starters, I did NOT want to go home for the holiday in the first place. But, because my mom wanted me to and my brother wanted me to meet my nephew I decided I would. Not for me, FOR THEM. I do not have enough vacation time, so when I come back to work my paycheck will be short, SEVERELY short. This was ok with me being I have my PFD in the bank still, just for that reason.

Then we had the "where to spend x-mas" fiasco. It SHOULD have been understood that we are spending it where *I* consider home, after all I am the one traveling from f-ing Alaska for the holiday. But no, every time I talk to my parents I get told "Your brother and his wife want to spend it at THEIR home with their new baby". I said "well they can do whatever they want to do, but if I don't see my brother on x-mas then he's no longer my brother". End of story. Should be anyways. I bought my ticket to an airport half an hour from home to save on driving in winter.

We talk on the phone, and every time we talk on the phone my parents say "We don't know what your brother is doing for x-mas" and I say the same thing, if he's not home, blah blah blah. We chat in emails, and I made DAMN sure that I will not have to sit in a car to drive to Maryland after having to sit on a plane for all them hours. Hence the reason I am flying to a small airport that isn't far from the house - because I don't want to fly and then sit in a car for hours. As far as I know everything is good.

Last night I get an email from my mom.... "Your brother and his wife really want to spend X-mas at home with their new baby". And I flipped. I mean seriously if she was in person I would have knocked her f'ing teeth into next Tuesday. So I send her an email back, and I don't hold back. I tell her I'm sick of hearing this, and that I don't really give a flying-chit what they "want". Hell I "want" to go to the Steelers game on the 28th. And hell, I didn't even "want" to fly home for X-mas in the first place! I "want" a new Mac Laptop and some clothes. I "want" to be drunk and home in Alaska for x-mas, but I GAVE UP what I wanted to please other people, and they should be doing the same. Then I said I would sleep on it, and if I woke up just as angry as I was then, I was cancelling my ticket home.

I haven't heard back from that email, and I woke up FURIOUS that I even have to deal with this chaos. Another reason I didn't want to fly home - it's always a f'ing headache and is NOT a vacation. So I called my mom's cellphone to tell her I'm not coming home now, and my dad answers. He said "Yeah, I brought her phone so I could call your brother and nail down for sure when we're going down there". AAAARRRRGGGHHH!!! It took everything in my body to not flip out on him right then. But I bit my lip (now it's bleeding) and hung up without letting him know. Then I called my mom at work, and she says "no no no, that's not what's happening, your brother is coming up to PA for x-mas being you're coming in". I said "I don't care, it's too late, and I'm done with this chaos and headache, it's over I'm not coming home".

She tried all the normal "mom" tactics - the "you broke my heart" and the "don't make decisions when you're angry" and the guilt trip. Problem with her guilt trip is that she has been pissing me off since I bought the ticket, and it's impossible to guilt trip me. I told her what dad said, and she said "oh I talked to your brother last night, your dad doesn't know". WTF??? You people f'ing live together and you can't have the same god damn story??

So I've decided that I am cancelling my ticket this afternoon. I have had it. I have a headache bigger then Texas, and this is again not going to be a vacation. I refuse to spend this holiday miserable doing things for other people and then getting crapped on by them. It's over, finished. I am so pissed off right now. It's October and this vacation already blows, so I'm not going on it. She can hate me for it I don't care, right now I hate all of them for not getting their shit together, and expecting me to bend over backwards while on MY vacation. They wanted me to come home, so I bought the ticket. Now they can't spend ONE f'ing day with me so fuk them!

My other rant: I ate all my xanax trying to calm down and I'm still flipping out.... they need to make that shit stronger. 


*quivvers in corner of ...

*quivvers in corner of room* I can understand your anger here. It's a lot of money to spend on a ticket when there are other things in your life that need to be taken care of. It's hard NOT to be angry, especially when you're told that the part of the reason you would be going there (to see your nephew) wouldn't even be there!

Sorry, I wanted to say ...

Sorry, I wanted to say more but my boss was walking towards me with my "reception replacement" which meant I had to go to lunch.

I was going to add basically what WADV said. While it IS frustrating and expensive, you get to see your family and friends. To me, it's worth the hassle. But everyone has different families and different scenerios. So I understand your pain (and can relate to a LOT of it). But I hope everything gets straightened out with you and the holidays. Good luck! *hugs*

"But no, every time I talk ...

"But no, every time I talk to my parents I get told "Your brother and his wife want to spend it at THEIR home with their new baby". I said "well they can do whatever they want to do, but if I don't see my brother on x-mas then he's no longer my brother". End of story."
Without knowing the history of you and your brother, you're threatening to disown your brother because he may not come to where you will be spending Xmas, because they don't want to travel with a baby??
Sounds pretty selfish.
It's alot easier for one person to change travel plans than it usually is for a family to, especially with a baby. You will be the one that's missing out on spending Xmas with any of your family if you cancel but sounds like you could care less anyways.

OK shay - there are MANY ...

OK shay - there are MANY things not mentioned in this rant as to why I'm ready to disown him. This was just the icing on the cake. It's not this one reason, it's many other reasons, with this on top of them all.

They have traveled with their kid for months now, to the house in PA and even farther from their home. It's not that they don't want to travel with the baby - their reason for not wanting to come to where *I* will be is his wife and her mother. This is one thing that has been happening since before they got married. Her mother wants them at her house EVERY holiday. No less. So no matter what, they will be traveling 2 hours on x-mas day to her mothers house. My parents house is only 2 hours farther then her mothers.

Plans were laid down when I said I was coming home, and all was understood for a few weeks. The only person changing plans is my brothers wife and her family because THEY are the selfish ones that want the new baby there. (Her mother already has 3 grandkids).

And I won't be "missing" out on much of anything other then "We get to drive to someone elses house because they're too uptight to have things any other way". I'm not flying thousands of miles to want to go on vacation when I get home to Alaska. That's not selfish, that's called having a brain wanting to keep it in one piece. It's also called saving money.

If I was going to go see my brother on this trip I would NOT have paid extra money to fly to the airport that is only half an hour from where I live, I would have save a few hundred and flew into Philly. Like I said, plans were made and set when I bought my ticket. *I* am not the one changing plans - I am the one thousands of miles away dealing with changing plans that go against my reasons for buying the ticket.

It's tough when you have ...

It's tough when you have to work around family schedules just to get together for the holidays and what's even tougher is when you have to give up things yourself in order to make yourself available TO get together with your family.

In a perfect world everyone would be courteous and understand that everyone's got scheduling conflicts and one year you spend holidays here..and the next there in order to keep everyone happy!!

What happens though is that, as in your case..the ones without a family always end up adjusting THEIR schedules to work around everyone elses....and that can get really frustrating!!

I've been there as my hubby and I have a family but I do everything I can to work around EVERYONE elses schedule time after time. Our two oldest have canceled plans to get together for Grandpa or Grandma's birthdays...my hubby has met us after work, etc....but not the case with my sister!!

I'll call her WEEKS before and say, "Mom's birthday is coming up..what do you think you'd like to do this year..when can we get together, etc.,"..and she's ALWAYS gotta get back to me AFTER she talks to HER hubby so that her..their kids..and her hubby can ALL come TOGETHER for the event!!

What is sooo wrong with just bringing the kids and your hubby can meet you later..as MY hubby does?? Can your kids NOT adjust their schedules like OURS do??

Yet what USUALLY ends up happening is that it'll be a last minute thing as I call her two weeks before and she'll say, "I haven't had a chance to talk to my hubby yet..let me get back to you..."...call her the WEEK before and she'll say, "I haven't had a chance to talk to my hubby yet...let's just put something together "tentatively"..and I'll get back to you.." and then two days before I'll call her and say, "Have you had a chance to...blah blah blah" and she'll say, "Well, we talked about it and this is when WE can (all!!) make it......."

So I end up having to tell our kids, "We're celebrating Grandma/Grandpa's birthday at THIS time..and I really think you should be there...please adjust your plans.." so we can ALL get together as a family..and as usual..my hubby ends up meeting us later.......as my sister and HER whole family all walk in together...

It's bogus but I've come to realize that I'm not gonna complain out loud to anyone but the people here..(lol)...at least we're all getting together for the sake of Grandma and Grandpa........

Not so with my sister. I'll call her to see when exactly we can get together for Mom's or Dad's birthday..and she's ALWAYS gotta get back to me..as she has to check with HER hubby to see when HE'S available!!

Thats one of the reasons ...

Thats one of the reasons for years, we just spent Christmas at home. We opened our gifts and cleaned up and I cooked a nice meal and my kids got to play with their new toys all day and my hubby watched the game and we relaxed without extended family, because someone couldn't decide where everyone was meeting until pretty much the last minute, so we just stayed home.

This might sound stupid ...

This might sound stupid but, in a way, I wish I had your problems. My whole family lives in Germany, all I have in this country is my son. He goes to his girlfriends family, I am invited to tag along, bt if I don't they come to my place for a while afterwards.

All of the varying ...

All of the varying perspectives here are great. I've been in that position to some extent and it's no fun. It's also not worth letting it get to you.

Holidays are important, location where you spend thm ("Home") is important, relationships between family members however are most important.

Some will be selfish and not compromise though the key to getting along is exactly that, agree to a compromise. Alternating from one year to the next is the best solution we were able to come up with and it worked well, no hard feelings all around. If someone refuses to do that then the difficulties are on them and they need to be told that others are doing their part in upholding the agreement and that they are disappointing them. They may get it or they may not or they may not care but then they are leaving themselves out in that case and no one else should feel hurt but disappointed in and sorry for those who excluded themselves.

This Christmas I think ...

This Christmas I think Adam and I might stay home. It's our first Christmas on our own and we might just want to relax and go about our business. I figure, Christmas eve we will go to his parents, open gifts and what-not and then go home. Christmas day we go to MY parents to open gifts and what-not and then go home. Since his family traditionally opens gifts on the eve and my family opens on the day, it works out. But we'll see. Next year, not sure what we would do. His family doesn't really do anything special or particular for the holidays. My aunt has a party every year on Eve so we may do that next year. But usually I got to my grandparents on Day. So I don't know. Play it by ear.

My b/f gets his kids every ...

My b/f gets his kids every Christmas Eve from 10 am till 10 pm. My sister usually has a get together the Sunday before Xmas, so that all of us can do our own thing on Xmas day. My mom sometimes has dinner if we ask her to though so we will see. Not sure if we will go see his family, they are in Ohio and Indiana, due to the fact that he has his kids till rather late on the Eve. My kids are grown and they see us Christmas morning or on the eve but do their own things on Christmas Day usually.