Didn't know what to do. Was invited to ski with my older brother and his kids (my nephews) but my son wasn't available and I wanted to go but then worked too hard this week and wasn't feeling physically up to it.
Then I had also been invited to an annual party at a friend's place down in Virginia and I hate to let her down, great folks, been there many times for many parties, they really count on me but it was just too far being worn out from work so I declined that one as well.
Finally, and lastly, I was invited to a Mardis Gras party by one of the guys I play tennis with on a regular basis. I was so messed up from work all week (doing literally 4 peoples' jobs - 3 others plus my own) that I forgot to reply. It turns out, today when the sister calls me, that this guy doesn't know it but is having a surprise birthday party. I opted to go. It doesn't matter to me that he's gay. His family will make up about half of the 40 people there. He's a minority too (for the few here who still have it in their heads that I am something less than accepting of all races even when I wholeheartedly support Obama - SUCH unFuckingBelievable MORONS) and this is the invite I chose to accept. It's closer, I'll meet new people, and my body will appreciate that it's not such a long trip or involving anything physically challenging like skiiing.
I still feel bad though. Family and closer friends I've known for over a decade were put off. They don't know what I went through all week this past week and the week before. It was ROUGH at work. It took it's toll on my body. I haven't even played tennis, haven't done much of anything but come home each day and walk the dog, relax, make dinner, walk the dog again, take out the recycling or trash, and go to sleep. Nonetheless, it feels funny going to a party where I'll know only the "birthday boy", and perhaps one or two other of our tennis buddies but no one else, instead of being with long time friends or family. I feel a little like a scoundrel. Then again, the gal I started dating would be my first choice by far but she's very classy and very mature and wants to take things slow and wait to move on until she goes to visit her dad in Florida who just came down with cancer. I can appreciate that too but almost hope I do or don't meet anyone new tonight if you catch my drift. Complications are no fun. Why is it that when it rains it pours? For years I concentrated merely on improving my business hurt during the divorce and more so even yet on my son who's custody I regained. Now, I finally decide to "get back in the game" and it's like a jungle out there - don't want to hurt anyone by saying "no" and don't want to hurt anyone by saying "yes"... aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Life was so much simpler before when merely living for myself. I want more but then again, do I really if it's going to get crazy? What if my friends from VA find out I went to another party? They very well could. That'd hurt them. I don't need that. THey don't know how I can't travel that far, I just can't, not after the kind of week I've had. I'm in pain from it. I didn't even ski with family. This could get tricky. I don't want to have to play some balancing act just to do what I want knowing it's based on what's best for me.